Reflections

Well, maybe time for a bit of philosophizing –don’t hang up!!! – and reflection as we sit here in Jolly Harbour, Antigua (in the rain right now at 7 AM on a Saturday morning), West Indies, Caribbean. For those of you not into “deep thoughts”, tune to Channel 7 – they play rock and roll!!!

First of all, this (“Mystic”) journey is proving to be, one way or another, one of the most exciting, demanding, enjoyable, frustrating and memorable experiences we as a couple and each of us as individuals has ever taken. A couple of people have asked how hard it is to live 24/7 in another person’s face, with not much chance to separate and knowing that this will continue for an unspecified period of time. My (GT) thoughts: it has been a wonderful chance, which I think we have taken advantage of, to learn about each other and to grow in this relationship. Funnily enough, I think a real positive for me is it will and does also help me live in other relationships with family, friends and even strangers. I am learning that it is okay to be wrong, it is okay to ask for help, it is okay to not know everything. There are times, and there have been all along, where old habits and fears kick in and old voices speak to me from the conference table in my mind. The result is I respond in old ways and speak before my mind is in gear. I would like to think – no, I know - this is changing for the better and in the meantime, I try to let Cheryl know ASAP that it is not about her and I apologize ASAP. I know this is not the ideal but it is growth and change. Ask my kids!!! Again from my viewpoint, Cheryl has been a rock and a comfort and a support and I cannot honestly think of any things I would ask of her other than be who she is.

Individually, speaking of exciting, demanding etc etc, the trip or my mind, is starting to come together. I have said before that the image of what was to be was a mixture of reality and wishful thinking. The reality was the trip would not be a cover for Yachting World. The wishful thinking was it would be a cover for Yachting World! The reality part is at the end of most of the legs of the trip, I don’t sit down, relax, have a cup of tea and we then dive off the side of the boat into the sea. The reality is there is inevitably something that needs tended to fairly quickly - in fact this often happens during the trip, although less frequently now. One of the big differences between here and home is here I don’t figure out what is wrong, hop in the car, drive to the hardware store and get the parts I need. Here I search through the few parts that the previous owner left or that I guessed we might need and pre-purchased and if I can’t find what I need, I fake it. So far it has worked but so far I haven’t reached the nirvana of having confidence enough it will always work to give me instant peace of mind. After all we spend most of our time a considerable distance from the sea bed, a condition I want to continue. As I said, though, this is a process of growth and learning and one I likely wouldn’t change if I could (well, actually, I wouldn’t mind a totally trouble free trip but hey, I would come back the same person I was when we left!!).

The other and overwhelmingly positive side of the story – even the bad times are good. When we left Montserrat with the intention of coming around the north side of the island, turning south and heading for Guadeloupe and we subsequently ran into conditions that made it more difficult than we wanted, we had the freedom to change our course and pick one we liked. We were able to take what was being offered to us and choose what worked best for us. I remarked to Cheryl yesterday what a tremendous difference there was in the way we were sailing and more importantly how we were experiencing the sailing. Where before the Montserrat change and the seas and conditions that precipitated it would have been scary and frustrating, this time it was kind of exhilarating and empowering (my least favourite word but most appropriate this time). It was almost peaceful to be driving through 6-9 ft seas with the boat responding to the helm because we are learning how to work with the boat and the elements.

Another reality that is tremendous, especially when we choose to see it, is all the different kinds of beauty that exists out here in each of the places we stop. No, it is not all 14 mile pink beaches like we saw in Barbuda on our trip with Julie and Graham but that is just another reason for gratitude.

MONTSERRAT

The bustling busyness of Simpson Bay Lagoon, the stark harshness of Montserrat, the beauty of the fireworks display seen over water at St Kitts – I could go on and on but the main point is, when we accept what is there and embrace it, we are able to see the wonder of what we are experiencing.

ST. KITTS

ST. MAARTEN

I told you I was going to wax philosophical! I could go on and may at some other time about the people we have met and the people we have encountered (there is a difference) but I think that this is enough for now. Sufficient to say, we are blessed!

Griff asked me to add a bit to this blog. Interestingly enough I was also thinking about doing a blog along the same general lines - Sort of how I was feeling about everything so far. Yes there have been times when I have questioned whether we have made the right decision, but those are becoming fewer. I am feeling more confident about my abilities and am learning more about what we are capable of doing. Getting out on the deck while we are sailing to do something that needs attending to, such as shortening the rope on the dinghy or making sure the sail is folding properly when we are dropping the mainsail, are becoming second nature now - as long as I have my life jacket on and am tethered to the boat. The only thing that is still consistently presenting me with a challenge is the dinghy!!!!! I have great difficulty getting into and out of it gracefully and the one time I tried driving it I ended up going towards shore and hitting the prop on some rocks. That was one time I knew for sure Griff’s frustration was because of me. Other times I know he finds bothersome is when I jump in to do things I feel he needs help with rather than waiting until he asks for help. That is the nurse or mother in me wanting to make things easier for the people around me. Griff calls it managing rather than helping. I am trying really hard to change this.

Like Griff I too am changing personally. I am finding it less difficult to let Griff know what I am feeling or what my opinion is about what is happening. He makes it easy to do because I feel he wants to know. It still does not make it any easier to write down my thoughts and feelings so bear with me.

The sailing is becoming exhilarating rather than scary. Julie asked me what was most frightening about the night crossing to St. Maarten. I told her that I don’t really remember being frightened so much as being physically uncomfortable – cold, wet, tired and nauseated. I remarked to Griff that sailing in the rough seas and strong winds is a little like looking after toddlers. When you are sailing and the conditions gradually change is like having a child and learning what they are like as they grow rather than just being thrown into a situation, like looking after someone else’s three-year old for the first time. It is much easier and less scary when things happen gradually. You adapt and learn and discover that there really isn’t anything to be frightened of. That’s not to say that you become complacent and careless, just less afraid.

The other cruisers we have met have been quite friendly and helpful. We have dinghied over to other boats to introduce ourselves, usually because they are flying the Canadian flag. As well, we have had other people dinghy to our boat or in one case swim over. They are all willing to share tips about where to go and what to avoid and give advice in response to our questions. As Griff said we will tell more about the people met and encountered in a different blog.